Dear New Elliptical,
Welcome to our home. Please notice that we didn’t put you in the basement, or the studio, or someplace dark and ugly. We also did not put you in the bedroom to be used as a clothes rack. You are perched on the loft overlooking the living room, the woods and the pond. There’s an air conditioning duct nearby and a gorgeous hardwood floor underneath you—don’t scratch it. You have sunlight, salt air, and good company. Please remember that you are new, sleek and agile…I am none of the above. It is my hope that we visit every day for about 40 minutes, and I build up a sweat—Oh—that sounds funny! I better go put on my sneakers and sweats.
With great expectations,
Diane
Yarnsista 
I am snort-laughing! This is fantastic! My elliptical is a clothes hanger…